Remi’s Newborn Pictures & Postpartum

Since forever I have always wanted to be a mom. It’s what i always wanted to be when i grew up. I guess I can finally say I’ve grown up. Being Remi’s mom has been the absolute best. She is the most precious thing, her smiles literally melt your heart (even at 3 in the morning). I am grateful to Heavenly Father everyday for giving us this healthy little girl and trusting us to raise her.

Being a mom has also been one of the hardest things I’ve done in life. With being a perfectionist, I’ve had to learn to let a lot of that go. Things rarely go as planned and I’ve learned that it’s okay. Stress is also something that comes with this new territory. I’m always worried about her, if she’s okay, and if I’m doing enough. That little giggle makes it all worth it though.

Postpartum is definitely an interesting experience. Truthfully I didn’t know what to expect because you hear so many different things and everyone is different. Plus, there are so many things that aren’t talked about. I wanted to share some of my experiences in hopes that it can help someone else going through it or about to go through it. I’m not here to complain but instead hopefully help other moms realize they’re not alone in this crazy time.

~Hormone Crash~

The hormone crash is real. At times I felt like I could cry at the drop of a pin and it takes a lot to make me cry. Not only that but my anxiety was through the roof at some points. I was so worried about Remi and that something bad was going to happen to her. There were nights that I stayed up almost all night watching her. One night it was so bad I woke Kenny up because I was freaking out over nothing. I suffer from anxiety already as it is and take medication for it. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like had I not been on my medication. It’s definitely something that works for me and I’m grateful for it. Thankfully the intense bouts of anxiety dissipated after a month or so and rarely occur anymore. Everything seems to have been leveling out the last couple of weeks thankfully because that was an intense roller coaster of emotions. It does get better though.

~Breastfeeding~

Breastfeeding ended up being something that just didn’t work for us. I’m so grateful that I went into this with the mindset of if it works it works if it doesn’t then there’s formula and bottles. Even though I went into it having that mindset there was definitely still some mom guilt and I had my breakdowns for the first couple of weeks. Remi struggled with latching, had formula from the minute she was born due to a blood issue she had, and I didn’t end up producing even a drop. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to bond with her since I couldn’t even breastfeed for a couple weeks. There was literally nothing. I was so grateful for the friends and family who sat on the phone with me and told me that it was okay and not to beat myself up. I’m here to say that in the long run it’s been an amazing experience and I feel like I have bonded with her just the same. It’s been the sweetest thing getting to watch Kenny be able to feed her and be able to bond with her. Not going to lie the help with the night time feeds has been a huge bonus. If you can breastfeed great, but if it’s something that doesn’t workout don’t stress, your baby will still thrive.

~Sleep~

I’m the first one to admit that I do not do well with lack of sleep. Truthfully she’s been a good sleeper since the day she was born so it’s not that I was getting zero sleep, the big issue was getting up multiple times during the night. The broken up sleep was definitely hard at first but once we got into a routine it became easier. Everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps… for some that may work, for me, I don’t nap. I have tried and tried and it just doesn’t happen. There’s been a couple of times that I’ve been so exhausted that I’ve fallen asleep, but other than that it just doesn’t happen. The funniest thing though is it’s like Remi knows because the second I doze off she normally wakes up. Definitely find a routine that works for you. I wake up at night with her Monday-Saturday since Kenny works and then he gets up with her on Saturday and Sunday night since he’s off. Sometimes if we’re both exhausted we both get up to help make a bottle and change her if needed and then the one staying up will feed her. Again, you just have to find what works for you and then get into a routine. Eventually they will sleep more at night and you’ll get more sleep. It’s glorious.

~Stir Crazy~

Having a new baby tends to mean you get stuck being at home a lot. With being a teacher I was so used to being on the go non stop and just don’t like sitting down that being stuck at home was a huge adjustment and mind game for me at first. Don’t get me wrong I love being home now and wouldn’t change it for the world. Just at first it was hard. We chose to stay home a lot in the beginning just to keep Remi safe from germs. Plus, going out with a baby takes a lot of work and so much prep it’s sometimes just easier to not leave the house. Now that she’s getting older we definitely leave the house more which has been good for my mental health.

Overall being a mom has been the best thing ever and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Watching Remi grow is just the best thing and some days I wish it would slow down. It’s hard at times but oh so worth it. We’re 3 months in and she’s starting to roll now. Watching her learn new things just amazes me. Kenny has definitely jumped into the role of dad and it’s so cute to watch him with her. She definitely has him wrapped around her little finger already. Our little family is such a great blessing and I’m just so thankful for it everyday.

Britt (@britthicken_photo) did our photos when Remi was 2 months. She is amazing and so fun to work with.